tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36551957352396538942024-03-12T22:13:10.815-07:00Wild Oak CottageSulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.comBlogger172125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-64752436658120195272013-01-23T10:54:00.001-08:002013-01-23T10:54:31.610-08:00Update... better late than never
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have not, as it may
have appeared from my lack of communication in recent months, fallen off the
face of the earth. I have simply been consumed by my work here in seminary and
without words or the energy to write more than the required papers and
reflections. After a lovely but all too short visit with my husband and my parents
for Christmas I am back at it again.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Last semester was a
more difficult one than I anticipated, with classes in Field Education,
Constructive Theology, Ethics, and a Special Reading Course to study the
theological and ritual/liturgical responses to Suicide. Immersing myself into
my classes is not new, but certainly can be draining when one is also trying to
balance it with outside activities and a social life!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am truly grateful to
be in a fabulous Field Education parish: Holy Cross. They view themselves as a teaching parish, and have welcomed me with
open arms. I gave the homily at the Blessing of the Animals in October, as well
as participating in several small groups – my primary involvement is with the
Healing Team – serving on the altar, and most recently, participating in the
annual Women’s Retreat. I have also spent the third Sunday of each month, as
much as possible, at the local military Chapel. This is
giving me a lot of insight into the experiences of a Reservist as well as
keeping me connected with my Army community.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ethics was probably the
next easiest, if you could call it that. The professor has a way of
teaching that makes almost anything interesting and brings out the best in his
students. I was both challenged and strengthened in my understanding of the
ethical formation I received within my own development, although I had not
realized that I was being formed in such a way. We focused on the Anglican
traditions, mostly because they are the most helpful in understanding how our
Church has come to believe and act as it does today. To wrestle with my
classmates with current issues and see them from various perspectives
throughout history was truly informative and I have to say that I have a much
deeper appreciation of where we are now and how we have come to take the stands
that we have.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I must admit that
Constructive Theology is not my strong point, although the class was full of
people who bring up the most amazing discussion points out of the readings
which provides a rich feast of new ideas and points of view that I suspect I
would not have found on my own. The professor gives us readings that
challenge as well as teach us, and has high expectations of our writings and
engagement with the class material. I often felt as if I were falling short of
those expectations but did well enough in the class that clearly something was
sinking in!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The class that
challenged me the most, however, was my Special Reading Course on Suicide. I
worked with my advisor as I researched and formulated the
beginnings of a theological response to suicide within the framework of the
Episcopal Church. There is not much out there, and in my research I discovered
more rabbit-trails to follow that draw me in and inform my ministry. One such
area is the development of liturgical/ritual material such as a small Office
for use while keeping vigil with someone who is suicidal; there is so much rich
imagery to hold onto and pray with in the midst of crisis. I have also become
deeply interested in pursuing research into Moral Injury, a concept that is
finally being recognized as a possible trigger for suicides among combat
veterans.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In November, I planned
a Community Night Eucharist that was followed by a forum to honor Veteran’s
Day. I was pleasantly surprised by the support I received from the
community around this, from the participation in the Eucharist to the
discussion and questions that were brought up during the forum. I invited two
Chaplains, both Army Reservists, as well as having my husband and one of my classmates
and her family; her husband recently retired from a career in the Coast Guard
and their children offered their perspectives as well. I am still hearing
people’s reactions and so am hoping to plan another one for next year.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">During January, I
participated in an Intersession course that took us into the inner city of East
Oakland and San Francisco. The course was taught by the founder of
City of Refuge UCC Church. We met those who minister to and work with
populations I probably would never have met, as well as spending time with some
of the people who are served by those ministries. These included a Transgender
support group, a food pantry, a hot meal program, and a women’s shelter; we
also met with the staff or ministers of programs such as transition housing for
those who are in recovery and living with HIV/AIDS, and a transitional support
program for young offenders leaving Juvenile Hall and returning to their
families. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the coming semester
I am taking the second parts of both Field Education and Constructive Theology
as well as Homiletics and a class on the Theology and practical responses to
Trauma. Both of my Field Ed placements are anxious to have me preach again, and
I look forward to the unique challenges that each presents.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I truly hope that each
of you continues to be well. You remain in my prayers always and I am grateful
for your prayerful support of this work that I am doing. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-26140083096845721672012-10-10T08:16:00.002-07:002012-10-10T08:16:54.557-07:00Saint Francis and the AnimalsOn Sunday evening I was the preacher for our outdoor service for blessing animals. Being an outdoor service with a collection of pets who couldn't care less about what I said, I went for short and sweet. I actually loved the challenge of preaching with the cars whizzing by on one side and a trio of French Bulldogs wheezing away on the other, looking out over a collection of dogs, a cat, and a rat. <br />
<br />
Here is the manuscript, although as with all of my preaching and talks there was plenty of room for the Holy Spirit to take over and edit on the fly!<br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is big. Shaggy. Scary. Many of you
have seen it, lurking in the shadows waiting to attack. Even if you haven’t
seen it, you’ve heard the stories. The howls, the attacks. No fear, you friends
tell you. It isn’t afraid of anything. Even the town dogs can’t defend anyone
or anything from it. Some of them have even been eaten. It won’t stay in the
hills, and it isn’t satisfied with attacking the flocks. Rumors say it even
attacks people. The Wolf.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But most people are distracted. They
aren’t here for the wolf. They are here for a more interesting reason. Your
Italian city of Gubbio is the temporary home for the renowned preacher,
Francis. He isn’t much to look at, in his patched and rough brown wool garment,
barefoot, tonsured. But he draws people in to listen to him. He has that
charisma, that genuine caring about every living creature that gets close to
him.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He preaches about the gospel, how the
kingdom of God is drawing near. Rumor says that he heard the Gospel say to sell
everything and give alms; to not worry about anything but to trust God to
provide for every need. If God cares for the every sparrow, how much more will
God care for His faithful children? Francis teaches people to walk in the
footsteps of Jesus, and unlike the priests, he is out among the ordinary
people. Like us. He doesn’t live in a fancy palace or wear expensive clothes.
Yours are probably worth more than his. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">One day, while Francis is teaching about
all of creation being his brothers and sisters, someone in the back of the
crowd whispers a remark about the wolf. It was meant as a whispered comment to
his neighbor, but someone overheard it and it shot through the crowd. He
stopped, and someone explained to him that your town is under attack from this
terrible creature. He goes on teaching, but when he is done and the crowd
begins to disperse you notice that he is whispering to his followers. They
gather themselves together and head out of town, up into the hills.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Soon his followers come straggling back,
a look of fear on their faces as each passes back into town. Then, Francis
comes back. But he most certainly isn’t alone. Pacing alongside him is the
wolf. It certainly looks fierce, the way the whispered stories describe it.
Francis enters the marketplace where everyone is gathering, and when he reaches
the center he stops. The wolf quietly sits beside him. All eyes are turned to
this unlikely pair. Francis explains to you that the wolf is hungry, and
looking for food. If we, as a town, agree to feed him, the wolf will no longer
attack our animals or people. You hear the quiet roar as the people around you
talk to their neighbors about this turn of events. Eventually, one of your
leaders calls out your assent. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We will feed the wolf. But how do we
know that the wolf will keep his end of the bargain?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Francis ignores that question for a
moment as he turns to speak to the pack of dogs in one of the alleyways. He
tells them that if they will not bother the wolf, the wolf will leave them
alone. Someone in the crowd snickers, and it echoes over the quiet heads of the
people who are watching and waiting to see what this crazy holy man will do
next.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He turns to the wolf, reaches out a
hand, and blesses him. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is the sign to assure us that the
wolf will keep its end of the bargain? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A blessing, indeed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of course, this is all based on legends
about a real man. A real saint. Francis of Assisi. He really did exist, and he
really did talk about all of creation being his family. One of the more famous
poems or prayers that he wrote is called Canticle of the Sun, or Praise of
Creation. He talks about Brother Sun and Sister Moon; Lady Poverty and Sister
Death. It really is no wonder that he has become the patron saint of the
environment (and animals)! But it is for stories like this about the wolf of
Gubbio and his preaching to the birds that we most strongly associate Francis
with blessing animals. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">For many of us, our animals are indeed
our family, certainly they are our close companions and friends. In Francis we
find someone who is not afraid to agree with us, who is not afraid to say that
as part of creation, these creatures deserve the blessings of God just as much
as humans do.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And so, around the feast of Saint
Francis we gather together to celebrate, bless, and remember our companions of
the not so human variety. We bring them, or the memories of those who have gone
ahead of us, to the arms of God and we bless them. Because even though Jesus
was undoubtedly human, none of us can say for sure that God doesn’t come into
our lives through the love of our pets.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-75040187654433197302012-09-29T08:36:00.002-07:002012-09-29T08:36:46.348-07:00A PoemThis poem appeared in my life when I needed a reminder to look to one of my favorite teachers. Some spiritualities might say that the Oak is my totem or spirit tree. I just know that oaks are an important part of my life story, and they give me strength and peace.<br />
<br />
"The Oak Tree"<br />
<br />
A mighty wind blew night and day.<br />
It stole the oak tree's leaves away,<br />
Then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark<br />
Until the oak was tired and stark.<br />
But still the oak tree held its ground<br />
While other trees fell all around.<br />
The weary wind gave up and spoke,<br />
"How can you still be standing, Oak?"<br />
The oak tree said, "I know that you<br />
Can break each branch of mine in two.<br />
Carry every leaf away,<br />
Shake my limbs, and make me sway.<br />
But I have roots stretched in the earth,<br />
Growing stronger since my birth.<br />
You'll never touch them, for you see,<br />
They are the deepest part of me.<br />
Until today, I wasn't sure<br />
Of just how much I could endure.<br />
But now I've found, with thanks to you,<br />
I'm stronger than I ever knew."<br />
<br />
- AnonymousSulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-39866402756809230532012-09-26T13:35:00.003-07:002012-09-26T13:35:38.134-07:00Health in SchoolThe beginning of this semester has been full of wonderful conversations with my classmates around keeping healthy while we are all in seminary. There have been many truisms that sound like platitudes: this is the time to learn how to take care of yourself before you have a parish to take care of; how can you model health if you do not have it yourself; and my personal favorite - this is not the time to get sick (!). Many of my classmates and I heard these throughout our first year together, and then again as the newest class began to join us, and we wondered what this meant for us and how to live it out faithfully and honestly. <br />
<br />
I will admit that last year was all about the academics. And this year looks like it will be more of the same, with a healthy dash of hands-on field experience. But nowhere was there really room to make my health a priority. I am focused on preparing for the ministry God is calling me into, but ironically the physical readiness part of that has been left completely out of the picture. <br />
<br />
This semester is going to be a difficult one. I have four classes that are challenging me in ways I never dreamed I would be stretched. I have, essentially, a part time job as a seminarian in my field education parish. But my "fifth class" - the one I would have audited - is one that I have to take as seriously as the others. Personal health and wellness. How do I not let me spiritual life get trampled in the crush of school and parish work? What about physical health - eating well and moving my body? How do I nourish myself so that I am giving generously out of an abundance of energy and love and not giving grudgingly out of a well run so dry that I can no longer function?<br />
<br />
Perhaps it is this lesson in caring for myself in every way that is the foundation for all of what my classes will be teaching me. It is certainly an important lesson to learn. Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-16098715095970601112012-09-11T09:41:00.000-07:002012-09-11T09:41:18.478-07:00Patriot's DayToday is a rather poignant day. It isn't just another day, and as I have just completed some reflection papers that are introductions to various classes and am looking at resources for a class on Death and Dying with a special focus on Suicide, Violent and/or Sudden Death I am reminded of just how much my outlook on this day has changed in the last 11 years.<br />
<br />
When the attacks first happened, I was more worried about how to get my mom (who was traveling and scheduled to fly) home than I was about any other immediate impact. It wasn't until days later that it truly sank in to me just how horrific this was. I was in Boston on the first anniversary of the attacks, and I appreciated just how much more deeply the Eastern region of our country was affected than the West Coast had been. Then I married a former soldier, and I began to have a glimmer of how it affected all of the veterans in our country to have seen us under attack, and to see how the gradual forgetting that we still have soldiers in the theater of war nagged at them in ways unsuspected by the general public. Then my husband returned to the Army and I began my journey toward Army Chaplaincy, and in a place where my very presence as a connection to the military can be awkward and upsetting I am now finding myself pondering the deeper effects of those attacks.<br />
<br />
I find myself wondering how I can find time today to travel to a nearby military installation, to avoid the inevitable small conflicts that arise when I wear my identity as an Army Wife and Future Chaplain openly here in this place. My emotions are closer to the surface today, and I just want to be with others who share at least a little of my understanding of how these attacks are still fresh in so many ways in the spirits of those who serve in uniform. I want to be in a place where I am not made hyper-aware of how I am a target for those who are seeking to vent their frustrations with our government and its policies now and in the past just because I am called to serve those who serve. I am aware that today in particular I may be inviting more than the usual engagement with this community, and that I myself am unusually aware of the uniqueness of my presence and call in this setting.<br />
<br />
Yet I am consciously and carefully dressed in a shirt and sweatshirt that proudly say United States Army. I hold my head high as I walk down the street and across campus. Today most especially. I am proud of our armed forces, and I am humbled that God is calling me to serve these heroes in whatever small way that I can.Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-7384907832119250832012-08-29T12:05:00.001-07:002012-08-29T12:05:43.237-07:00It has been a while...... since I have written. I know. Whatever happened to my discipline and keeping up the regular updates over the summer? For that matter, what happened to the summer? <br />
<br />
Actually, this summer was quite unsettling for a person who likes to feel as if her roots are steady and solid. I actually had to print out a schedule months in advance to know where I was going to be, when I was going to be there. I think two or three weeks was the longest I ever managed to stay in one place at a time! I am grateful for the opportunities to spend a few days at a time with my husband and parents, to visit my home parish, and to move forward in the ordination/discernment process. I also spent 10 days in Indianapolis, representing my school at the General Convention of the Episcopal Church, and a week immersing myself in the experience that is Vacation Bible School at my Field Education parish.<br />
<br />
I have been busy with hospitality for new residents and students who are going through Orientation this week, and then I dive into my classes on Tuesday. My schedule sounds straightforward, but there is a lot of reading and research involved in my classes. I am taking Christian Ethics in Anglican Tradition, Theology I: Introducing Practice, Introduction to Theological Field Education, and a Special Reading course examining the theology of suicide and sudden or violent death along with pastoral/ritual responses to such deaths and the threat of dying suddenly or violently. Looks easy, right? <br />
<br />
I am truly looking forward to this semester, with only four classes plus my field education and extracurricular activities it should be quite busy and full. It feels good to be back in this community and in this place, though it also feels as if pieces are missing. Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-27465314350246386742012-06-19T11:01:00.000-07:002012-06-19T11:01:33.946-07:00Working VacationI am back home in the cottage after a lovely extended visit with my husband. Unfortunately, since I left immediately after the end of the school year, I am facing the aftermath of the last month or so of school when it seemed like all I did was eat, sleep, and work on papers or study for tests. Of course, that was on top of the mess left when my husband moved to his new Duty Station. So it is one crazy mess here in this cozy little cottage, and I am taking one day at a time to work on it slowly. Finding places to put things that makes sense when I am busy and don't want to take a lot of time to pick up all the time. <br />
<br />
I am realizing just how much being a bi-locational couple has turned my world upside-down. It isn't that we weren't prepared. It is simply that as much as we talked about the possibility that we would be geographically separated at least once in both of our careers nothing can prepare you for the reality of what it is like. The sense of dislocation and emptiness after a visit together. The strangeness of rearranging your apartment to fit your "alone" life instead of the way it fits when there are two of you. Even having your "alone" life and your "together" life - having to have those different parts at all.<br />
<br />
During the school year it was easy to focus on my ministry. In this pause I am facing the reality of the Army Wife side of myself. Learning this aspect of my walk that much more clearly. I had hoped it would be all about the Future Soldier side of me; that this Summer break would be about exercise and eating well. And in some ways it is. But it is far more about learning to be a soldier's wife who is also a future soldier and not a future soldier who happens to be a soldier's wife. Funny how there is such a distinction there. It looks like a matter of word order, but it is much deeper than that. <br />
<br />
I will always be a soldier's wife. Soon I will be soldier, and lose the "future" in front of it. Therein lies the difference. Even when I am a seasoned Chaplain ministering in the Army many years from now I will still be a soldier's wife. That is a part of my self now, a part that influences how I read the news, how I prepare for my own life as a soldier, how I pray, how I engage with community and friends. <br />
<br />
I hadn't realized the difference it made until we had to learn to live as a geographically separated couple. I look around me and I see couples happily all over each other and I swallow a stab of jealousy that I didn't even know existed. I see them everywhere. Couples walking hand in hand through the streets, sitting together in church, filling the restaurants and coffee shops I walk past in my neighborhood. Sometimes I just want to scream. I see them talking together and I think about how I have to wait until we can find a time when we both can be on the phone if I want to have even a simple conversation with my husband. I think about the letters I write when he is out it the field and there is no contact for days and weeks at a time. The text messages that can make my heart flutter just because they are a moment of connection for us - even the ones that just say Hello.<br />
<br />
At school I know I am not the only one who is geographically separated from their spouse/partner/spartner/significant other/whatever you choose to call your other half. We can talk about it and encourage each other through the difficult days. I know that I am lucky to have a community that is understanding and supportive through this experience. It still hurts sometimes. <br />
<br />
There are good sides to this aspect of our life together. I am forced to be fully independent. I have to squish my own spiders, change my own light bulbs, make sure the car is maintained, do everything to make sure that life continues to run smoothly. I have to think for myself and not always talk it over with my husband before making a decision. I am learning to accept the support of the community around me and to love that community as a family in a way that I had not understood before. <br />
<br />
When Fr. Mike pointed out that I am on a Trinitarian Path, I agreed but didn't see that all three strands of my path were equal. I thought the Army Wife path was just a thread along the side of my Army Chaplain path. It certainly wasn't much in comparison to my Seminarian path. How wrong I was. It is just as important for me to be learning and experiencing as the other two.Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-27173541382305634472012-06-11T20:34:00.001-07:002012-06-11T20:34:24.403-07:00Where Am I?So much has happened since I last wrote here! The semester has ended successfully, I interviewed and received my Ecclesiastical Endorsement for the Chaplain Candidate Program, and I have had a relaxing couple of weeks with my husband. <br />
<br />
Finals week really took a lot out of me. I had been pushing to get everything completed before I flew to Washington D.C. for my interview and I barely made it. Fortunately most of my finals were take-home tests, with the exception being my New Testament final that began at 6:30 pm Tuesday night. I flew out at 6:00 Wednesday morning for D.C. and interviewed Thursday morning before flying back that afternoon so that I could be back at CDSP in time for graduation Friday morning!<br />
<br />
When I landed I had a message from the Bishop Suffragan for Armed Services and Federal Ministries saying that he was glad to give me the Endorsement to enter the Chaplain Candidate Program contingent upon meeting physical standards for entry into the Army. This is a huge hurdle for me and one that confirms to me that I am indeed moving in the right direction to fulfill the call God has placed in my life. Of course, that also means that the pressure is truly on to get my physical fitness in order!<br />
<br />
Graduation was amazing! It is essentially a Eucharist with a graduation thrown in where we might otherwise put a Baptism or Confirmation. St. Margaret's Courtyard was beautiful, the music was inspiring, and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it - even though my body was quite confused as to what time zone I might have been in. <br />
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I traveled to join my husband where he has been assigned a few days after the end of school. I needed to catch my breath! I have had a lovely time here resting and catching up on research for General Convention. I am looking forward to representing CDSP there in a few weeks.<br />
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As I said, so much has been happening! With faith I am moving forward and taking it all one step at a time.Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-90042497926658627282012-05-02T07:49:00.000-07:002012-05-02T07:49:09.063-07:00Time Flies...Is it really just two weeks to graduation week? Oh, my. It seems like it was just a week ago that it was Holy Week madness and utter unpredictability. Now many of my big not-quite-finals-but-close projects are wrapping up and I am preparing for the end of the school year. <br />
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I still have one major paper - a 15 page doozy for History - and a presentation to create along with it, but otherwise the finals are looming. <br />
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The only upside to all of this is that I am suddenly finding a few moments within the crazy run of my days to catch my breath and enjoy the sunshine once again. Not to resent it for shining on my book-of-the-moment and blinding me in my homework reading, but to actually enjoy it. Fortunately, the sun is accommodating and is spending a significantly lower percentage of time hiding behind the clouds. <br />
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So now it is back to the research and writing, studying and memorizing, praying and running around!Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-44215418516224604152012-04-02T09:06:00.000-07:002012-04-02T09:06:05.518-07:00Holy WeekWell, we survived Spring Break. I think. It is the morning of Monday in Holy Week and I already feel as if I have been running an exhausting marathon. Usually I feel this way Easter Morning after Holy Week. All those services and the emotional and spiritual lows and highs that go with it. <br />
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Spring Break was not particularly relaxing, nor could I call it refreshing, renewing, or even much of a break. We were away from school and out of town, but for me it was a bit like exchanging one stressful setting for another. Instead of research papers and being up to my eyeballs in reading (which faithfully traveled with me) we were researching apartment complexes and up to my eyeballs in the details of setting up a second household in a place neither one of us is familiar with. Welcome to the Army. <br />
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I shouldn't complain. We did it. Other military families do it as well. This won't be our last time, either. But the first time seems a bit more unfamiliar and confusing than any subsequent times, and so I tuck the mental notes away into the back of my mind and create a file of little things that will make the next time that much easier. <br />
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Just in time for me to return to classes, I waved my husband off very early this morning. The apartment here looks like a bomb went off; things piled randomly here and there, what seems like (but isn't) most of the furniture missing, and way more empty space than I remembered from moving in evident everywhere. It is too quiet. Not just the He's-gone-to-work-and-will-be-back-later quiet, but a different quiet. One that feels more present and somehow aware of my solitude. So as I take a deep breath and begin to try to catch up with my school work, I am also taking bits of time to tidy up, reorganize around the newly empty spaces, and rearrange the furniture so I am not just creeping around the walls but living in all of my space. <br />
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After the all-consuming experience of getting moved in just two weeks, I am remembering the <em>why</em> of why I am still here and not moving with my husband. School. Even though I took some reading with me, it was very distracting and rather all-consuming. I gave up after a couple of nights of theology studded with moments of "what-about-the-(fill in the blank)." I suppose that is one way to make sure your new household gets a good blessing, but it really isn't all that great for the theological development of the reader. I find I am having to re-skim so much of the homework I tried to read that it almost would have been better to leave it home. On the other hand, this experience has given me wonderful insight into my upcoming Pastoral Theology project, and I am grateful for that. <br />
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So this Holy Week I will try to remember to be gentle with myself. Not only will I be dealing with the emotional roller coaster that is the final week of Jesus' earthly life, I am also adjusting to being a geographic bachelorette. The combination makes my prayers for this week incredibly simple. Be gentle, be aware, breathe. Repeat as needed. Don't be afraid to cry if I need to. Don't make big plans for this time, and leave space for adjusting. As always, lean on God and my guardian Angels. Let them take care of me and don't try to do it all myself. Amen.Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-66740165434063673102012-03-19T11:42:00.002-07:002012-03-19T11:42:40.282-07:00Lenten What?Everyone talks about Lenten disciplines. You know, giving up something you enjoy like chocolate or alcohol. Maybe you take on an extra something, a daily reading or meditation time. Apparently this year I have given up discipline. Actually, it appears that a hand greater than mine has chosen this for me. To walk in chaos just when I want to embrace structure and, well, discipline. <br />
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My husband is being moved to Riverside during Holy Week. That means that yesterday I picked him up from three months of training and dragged him into the one week that we have for him to get moved. The movers come on Wednesday to pack up everything that will be going with him. That's right. He has two days to decide what gets packed from our shared household. Sure, we've already talked about things like furniture and the obvious clothing and such. But how do we separate it all out so that the movers know what to pack and what not to pack? What about the little touches that make someplace home? <br />
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We will be spending Spring Break - next week - in Riverside scoping things out. Looking at possible apartments, trying to figure out where things are. A relaxing break from theology, right? Ha. More like diving head first into a Pastoral Theology Case Study. Only without the neat answers.<br />
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I can only hope that by embracing instead of fighting all of this chaos, fitting reading, writing papers, and studying for midterms into whatever little snippet of time I can find, I will be stronger for it. I can't say that I am sure that this is good for my research papers, but we'll just have to put that in God's hands. In the meantime, I am walking this hand in hand with God knowing that this is the only way to make it through this transition. Besides, who else chose to time it this way?Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-1006928621421784312012-03-05T08:51:00.000-08:002012-03-05T08:51:03.521-08:00Shake it Up!<span style="font-family: inherit;">Things here are on the move. Literally.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">My husband left Friday morning to continue with his current students as they complete their training out in the field. This leaves me doing the logistics dance of getting his more permanent move set up. It also leaves me once again moving in and out of the dance that is balancing my school and community with taking care of myself and my own little nest. Without him here to act as an external cue my timing is off. The routine that I built up through the first part of the semester relied on him returning home at some point in the evening to remind me to stop and focus away from the computer and gave me a time frame which I could reference. Now it is all up to me, and in these first days I find that I am in a bit of a fog when it comes to recognizing how time is passing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">But God does indeed have a sense of humor. This morning I had decided to luxuriate in setting my own time to wake up. 6:30 sounded good, sleeping in by an hour or so. At 5:33 a 4.0 earthquake rattled the apartment and shook me awake. Only 15 minutes later than the time the alarm has been going off daily for the past three months. I suppose I am grateful that I was already drifting toward waking so the shock to my system wasn't any greater, but I am not generally a huge fan of earthquakes and when I am alone my mind immediately begins to think about all the things that could possibly go wrong if this turns out to be "the big one."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">As Lay Assistant in our chapel today, it is my responsibility to write the Prayers of the People. I have been praying with the propers we will use: Holy Women, Holy Men, pg 42. Only a slight hope in all of the readings and much to create a "proper" Lenten sense of abasement. Daniel 9: 3-10. Psalm 79: 1-9. Luke 6:27-38. Not much there to cheer anyone up. The collect has the beautiful images of washing "us with the pure water of repentance" and preparing "us to be always a living sacrifice to you" which I find evocative and hopeful, however. </span><br />
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I suspect that my upbringing has a lot to do with my lack of utter discomfort with the association of Lent with repentance, atonement, sacrifice, and preparation. I actually look forward to this as a break from the unrelenting cheerfulness that sometimes pervades the Christian outlook. While I do not particularly enjoy the reminder that I am not as perfect and holy as I sometimes like to think I am I do believe that this is a good chance to remember that my relationship with God is a two-way street. As long as I realize that I have strayed and look for God wherever I find myself God will always be looking for me. Yes, I join in the jokes about a suitably penitential Lent; but in the end I will always be grateful that there is a time to recognize my fallibility and my mistakes. I rejoice that we still gather together to acknowledge one another in our current state in life and look forward to the resurrection as a community of faith.Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-7393477152978745362012-02-27T13:15:00.003-08:002012-02-27T13:15:57.465-08:00One of Those DaysThe last week has been quite hectic, and I can barely remember more than the last day or two. My trinitarian path has been particularly difficult, and I wish that I could separate each journey to make them easier to deal with. Today would be labeled a "seminarian" day; full of papers and reading, catching up on the homework I didn't do while I had "army wife" and "future army chaplain" days. <br />
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Friday afternoon and Saturday I allowed myself to put my books aside since my husband had his first day off since early January. There were a lot of errands to run in order to prepare for his upcoming move, so I can't say it was a day of fun and relaxation, though we did manage to squeeze in a few moments of sweetness among the other moment of necessary preparations for separation. I don't envy his schedule - he has a short term separation that starts at the end of this week and only a week or so between his return from that and his relocation 400 miles away. Trying to figure out how to get all of his stuff taken care of and ready leaves little room for things like making sure we have enough groceries. Especially when he is still working 12-14 hour days most days. <br />
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Sunday, I was able to join a Chaplain friend as she conducted a military memorial service. This was my "future army chaplain" day, learning about the many moving parts that come together in the touching display of full Military Honors at a funeral. It helped that I was not emotionally involved, which I have been in my other experiences of Military Honors at a funeral. I admire the troops assigned to this duty as I imagine that it is difficult to be around so much grief on a regular basis and not really be able to do anything about it.<br />
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Today the schedule reverts to "normal" and I once again struggle to balance my three-fold path and not find myself stuck in any one label for too long.Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-775960555518405182012-02-22T10:22:00.003-08:002012-02-22T10:22:48.203-08:00Ash Wednesday 2012Already? What ever happened to that stretch of time between Epiphany and Lent? Yes, it is shorter this year. It means an earlier Easter, but I am not ready yet. I am not even ready for it to be Lent. <br />
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I have felt that the semester really took off before I was completely aware of it; it is racing along as I struggle to keep up. Classes are going well and keeping me very busy, and the rest of my time is taken up with adjusting to the new realities that the Army is throwing at us. After three months of days so long we might as well not be living in the same house, we really will not be living in the same house. We will be one of the families separated by service. I will remain here at school and my husband will be 200 miles away, working with an ambulance company. <br />
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There are blessings in this separation. The chance for actual weekends that can be scheduled ahead of time instead of a few minutes to see each other snatched out of an early release from the class he is teaching. A schedule that can be relied upon. <br />
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With the plans that come with preparing for this separation, I am finding that Lent is falling between the cracks, so to speak. With classes and the ever-present homework colliding with the tasks of setting up a second household in a place that neither of us has seen yet, I wonder what discipline I could set for Lent. Some sort of giving up? Too penitential, and a little too harsh as I am preparing to give up the companionship of my husband on a daily basis. Some sort of adding on? In what time, and with what little scrap of what is fast becoming a mind like a sieve?<br />
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And so I am taken unawares and unprepared for Lent. Somehow, it seems appropriate this year to simply be in the waiting and watching through the transitions that this season is bringing. To remain faithful in the unknowing and the what-next, and to say a few extra prayers in the moments that come to me.Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-91273313519861728322012-02-06T08:13:00.000-08:002012-02-06T08:13:35.665-08:00Week Two of the AdventureIt may be week two, but it still feels so new and unsure. The best part of last week was returning to community worship; gathering in the chapel that is finally beginning to feel a little bit familiar, in spite of all that makes it as awkward as a teenager on a first date. Our midday Eucharistic gatherings drew me into the rhythm of prayer that weaves through my weeks during the semester and ties me ever deeper to this place and this community. Thursday night was Candlemas. Also known as The Presentation of the Lord in the Temple or The Purification of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Candlemas is much easier, shorter, and certainly has a ring to it. We began by gathering outside, each of us holding a lovely beeswax candle. These were lit and blessed before we processed into the chapel, a nod to the tradition of blessing all of the candles for the year on that day. I love that continuation of tradition, the sense of being rooted in the past while moving forward into the future. Not to mention the glow of all those candles together as we moved from the twilight outside to the bright inside of the chapel. <br />
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Most of my books have finally arrived; they are filling my shelf and looking wise. There is a great deal of reading to be done this semester, much more than last, and it looks intimidating if I stare at the schedule for too long. Just a day at a time, a page at a time, is all I can do. I know it will get done, but it sure seems like a lot!<br />
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The main excitement this week is the coming trip home to attend Diocesan Convention, which will be held Friday and Saturday. It will be good to re-connect with friends from around the diocese and to see all of the exciting plans and ministries we have there. Sunday I'll be worshipping at All Souls', my home parish. Then it is back on a plane and back to school; a quick trip indeed.Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-17376846451476910352012-01-30T14:26:00.000-08:002012-01-30T14:26:30.800-08:00Semester Two BeginsToday is the beginning of the Spring semester, and I started out by joining the community at worship at our midday Eucharist. Today Rev. Flora Keshgegian, who is teaching my Introduction to Pastoral Theology class, was celebrant and preacher in honor of the 35th anniversary of her ordination to the priesthood. I sometimes forget that I am surrounded by people like her who have lived and formed the history of the Episcopal church and the opportunities I enjoy today to serve in whatever ways God is calling me.<br />
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My schedule is full of goodness this semester. Along with Intro to Pastoral Theology, I will be taking Intro to Worship with the Rev. Ruth Meyers, Intro to New Testament at the Franciscan School, Church History: Modern to Contemporary at the Dominican School, and Women's Spiritual Quest taught by a woman from the Jesuit School. <br />
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While there is so much to come this semester, I also filled my January Intersession with good classes that challenged and stretched me. First, I spent a week in a class called Addiction, 12-Steps, and The Church. We examined the spiritual aspect and effects of addiction as well as experiencing recovery meetings, learning the physical and psychological effects of addiction, and discussing the various manifestations of addiction in every walk of life. <br />
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The second week I spent my afternoons in Art, Darkness, and Womb of God with China Galland, learning about the variety of expressions of the Black or Dark Madonna. I truly loved this class as we had a wide variety of backgrounds all coming together to contribute to the discussion about Mary, the Mother of God, Theotokos, or whatever honorific title you prefer. I must say that I truly enjoyed this class, and feel that it nourished me in this path in ways that classes taken purely for academic requirements may not. <br />
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The last thing I did during Intersession was to complete a quartet of certifications in preparation for Field Ed next year. Safeguarding God's People, Safeguarding God's Children, Canon Law, and Multicultural Training are all accomplished. <br />
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With Christmas and Intersession behind me I am prepared to dive into this new semester with energy and determination. Soon I will be in San Diego for the Diocesan Convention, looking forward to seeing friends and mentors while I am there. I pray that this semester nourishes, challenges, and forms me as I move forward in this journey.Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-20526918319788188262012-01-06T11:36:00.000-08:002012-01-06T11:36:26.651-08:00Epiphany BlessingsIt really has been a while since I updated here... classes were just wrapping up for the semester and papers were writing me. Advent was still in full swing. Now it is past Christmas and we are celebrating the Feast of the Epiphany. <br />
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Advent ended with a celebratory collapse as the last of my papers were turned in and I looked ahead to the visit of my parents over Christmas. I spent the first couple of days sitting in a chair doing a whole lot of not much as I accustomed myself to not be staring into the computer screen for the majority of my day. Then there was the whirlwind of catching up on little things around the house that I had let go over the final couple of weeks of the semester and the arrival of my parents and their cat Juniper for a much anticipated visit. We spent our time exploring the great outdoors and then curling up to be cozy indoors, which was Juniper's favorite part. It was quite pleasant to be together for Christmas; and just those several days of quiet family time were restorative. <br />
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Once we were on our own again we let our routines fly out the window and quite simply relaxed. No big New Year's Eve party, no big New Year's anything really. A movie and a puzzle on New Year's Eve, some clam chowder on the stove, and time spent snuggled in our cozy cottage. It has taken me a few days to ease in to the new year, I am finally accepting that it really is 2012 and looking ahead to what this year might have in store for me. <br />
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Instead of resolutions, I pray about a word or phrase for the year... sort of a guiding star that is a touchstone throughout the seasons to come. This year the word Nurture has been tugging at my sleeve, gently but persistently telling me that it is here to journey with me through 2012. The hardest part about Nurture is that it includes taking care of myself; I am extremely good at nurturing others but that usually comes at the price of self-neglect. Nurture is telling me to find the balance between the two poles. It promises to be an interesting journey. <br />
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Intersession classes are beginning; my first one starts Monday. I am leaping into a week long class on Addiction, 12-Steps, and the Church, which promises to be interesting. The following week I am taking a class that is focusing on the Black Madonna; I am interested to find out what this class has to teach me that I am not yet aware of. <br />
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I hope that your new year has begun pleasantly for you, and that your Epiphany Star guides you truly.Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-92080805304237868042011-12-12T07:47:00.000-08:002011-12-12T07:47:24.107-08:00Advent Three...... and suddenly I can't wait for Advent Four. The semester ends on Friday, with two large papers due. One in Greek and one in History of Christianity, and both fighting hard to make themselves difficult to finish. The weather is conspiring in my desire to hole up inside with my immense pile of books and my computer by being dark and rather gloomy, but today is the day I am out nearly all day. I start with a meeting at 9:00 this morning and have classes that run until 9:00 tonight. Perhaps the weather will oblige and hang around for the rest of the week so I can curl up with a pot of tea and a blanket while I finish whipping these papers into shape. My goal is to have all but the final touches done by Thursday morning, but since each has already managed to change themselves entirely at least once already I am feeling a bit discouraged about that timing. <br />
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With the end of the semester looming, suddenly so is Christmas. Being in seminary has certainly forced me to focus on the preparation and waiting aspects of Advent this year, but I almost feel as if I am missing out. I have watched decorations going up all around me and not done anything here. Finally this weekend we broke down and brought up our boxes of Christmas, and I spent an evening merrily unpacking, making a few repairs, and flinging stuff onto a shelf for later distribution. But our mistletoe is up (careful, you might hit your head on it) and looking festive; the nativity is prepared (all the figures are scattered to the four winds until it is the appropriate time to show up); and All Souls' mice have taken over the china hutch (with a surprise popping out of a nearby basket). There is still so much I want to do, but in a cozy space there isn't a whole lot that can be done until I have time to finish straightening the bookshelves and have made nooks and crannies for our other beloved decorations to adorn. Not to mention the tree debate. We'll have one, but where do we put it and how big (small) will it be?<br />
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So while I continue to wrestle deeply with Julian of Norwich and John 14, Christmas is sneaking on to the scene to distract me with anticipation of relief and celebration. It is all about the balance, and not forgetting the sparkles of joy in the midst of the work.Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-24335943946002137192011-12-04T14:53:00.001-08:002011-12-04T15:38:29.933-08:00Second Advent and CountingTwo weeks left. In some cases only one class meeting remains, though for others there will be more. Even as I am deep in the heart of writing my final papers I seek to stay open to the small voice of God in my heart, living into the Advent season of preparation. It is all too appropriate to be hearing about "Last Things" in the Sunday readings as this first semester of seminary ends and I wonder how insane I must have been to select the independent research paper option for my History of Christianity final... but even there, as I stumble through piles of books and challenge myself deciphering the original Middle English of Julian of Norwich, there is a sense of peace and knowing that I am here at this time and in this place for a purpose.<br />
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It is all too easy to focus only on class readings, to sink myself into the academic world I know so well and am so comfortable in, but my challenge to myself as I approached seminary was to be open to the formation that this experience brings to me. To allow myself to be challenged and changed by what I encountered within the community and within the readings. In preparing my final paper for Anglican Traditions and Life I am seeing a small part of the fruit of this awareness. We are reading and discussing the current church (many readings on all sides of the current debates/issues), and I find that I am truly struggling to remain even remotely objective while reading <a href="http://fca.net/resources/the_jerusalem_declaration1/" target="_blank">the Jerusalem Declaration</a> and other GAFCON documents. I find that there is a place in me that becomes defensive, that physically hurts, reading some of the words that the conservative side of the spectrum are speaking. <br />
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Unlike many of my classmates I have been on both sides of this issue, and have been deeply wounded as it has played out within my own diocese. I have lost the church I knew as home for the majority of my life and have been cast out of that same fellowship for having the audacity to question why it was wrong for me to feel that God was calling me, a female, to serve in a way that meant being set apart and consecrated to God's service. Not only am I rejecting the idea that was planted in me from childhood that as a female I am inferior and unworthy to approach God, I am seeking healing for the relationship between God and all people; I am choosing to believe that God loves all of creation and has a merciful and loving heart that aches to embrace everyone. I am refusing to step into God's place by judging whether or not a person is being faithful to the unique life God has called them to live. My parents and I have been informed that we are no longer welcome to even socialize with the parish that, deep in my heart, was still home even as I made a new home in a new parish. <br />
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As I read the documents that my childhood parish supports, I find myself grieving again for the loss of that family and the closing of the door in my face even as I had hoped for reconciliation and peace. But I also know that by the very fact that God is continuing to call me further along this path of dedicated service I cannot go back to the days when I truly belonged within that family; I am called to journey onward even as I must embrace the endings that journey brings.<br />
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So I struggle with this last paper for Anglican Traditions and Life, letting myself grieve for the past while wading ever deeper into the hope for the future and being formed not only by my experiences but also by my own reactions to the reality of the now. And I am leaning harder than ever into the awkward spaces of praying for my childhood parish family even in the face of rejection, and seeking the loving embrace of God where all hurts are transformed into grace and all sorrow to joy.Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-42856848647202128392011-12-01T07:29:00.001-08:002011-12-01T08:00:30.477-08:00Advent Begins...... And so does the frantic feeling of the winding up of the semester, which officially ends December 16. With three major papers, a synthesis project, and several smaller reflections due throughout, I am suddenly very aware of the passing of time and how fast this first semester is moving to a close. <br />
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I am watching the leaves on the Japanese Maple outside of my window toss in the wind this morning as we are in the midst of wind advisories and a rather strong Santa Ana condition, and feeling quite thankful that it waited until we were back here before it arrived. We had a lovely visit to my parents for Thanksgiving, which was delightful and provided me a much-needed break from paper writing, Greek translating, and general nose-in-book syndrome. We visited All Souls' for the Thanksgiving day service and enjoyed catching up with friends and church family before settling down at my parents house for a quiet feast. <br />
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There is so much to be thankful for this year, not the least of which is even being in seminary at all and having this chance to live into the place where God is calling me to be and to serve. If you had asked me last Thanksgiving if I could see myself here in a year's time I probably would have looked at you quizzically and laughed. But when God decides that it is high time something happens, well... just hang on and follow faithfully. <br />
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I want to participate in a question that was brought up on another blog: <a href="http://www.dreamlifewellness.com/blog.html" target="_blank">Dream Life Wellness Studio</a>. Lori-Lyn is looking back over 2011 and celebrating it over the next month. Today's prompt really struck me:<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Loving 2011: Day One - What surprised you this year and what gift did you find in that surprise?</span><br />
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What surprised me most is the redemption of sorrow and fear that has come out of this year. My husband officially lost his job January 1, 2011. I was only working part time and earning just slightly above minimum wage, and he struggled to know how to proceed in finding another job that would be able to support us. A chance conversation with a neighbor who happened to drop a brief comment about something heard on the news led him to contact a recruiter to find out about returning to the US Army, something he had wanted to do ever since leaving it many years ago. Within six weeks he signed, and the next day the age limit was adjusted again to the point where he would not have been able to return to service. At the same time, he encouraged me to speak to a chaplain recruiter. I humored him, feeling in my heart that after so many tries and denials in formal discernment processes that perhaps my call was either dead or I and my communities in which I had discerned a call to priesthood and service had misread God's direction for me. I made the call to the recruiter the last week in January. I spoke with my rector and diocesan bishop the first week in February. By March I was accepted into seminary and well on my way to doing what needed to be done to be ready to join the Army myself. <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Out of this flurry has come a multitude of blessings and reminders that it is not only not in my hands, but also not in my timing. God is truly in control. I am learning so many things about who God is calling me to be, and who I truly am at my heart's core.</span> <span style="font-size: small;">The biggest gift of all has been the chance to rediscover who God created me to be and to live into that developing knowledge while leaning hard on the unbreakable silver strand of love that ties me irrevocably to my Creator, Redeemer, and Sanctifier.</span> </span>Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-67453928143983216212011-11-14T09:07:00.001-08:002011-11-14T09:25:15.795-08:00Almost There...At this moment Thanksgiving break can't quite come fast enough, though if it were already here I'd be in trouble! It is that time of the semester when I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by the papers and tests and general information that has been coming my way and am ready to run away for a while. <br />
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Yesterday we went down to Moffett Field Chapel again, participating in their monthly fellowship potluck after the service. It was a great chance to start to settle into that community as members and friends instead of strangers. I really feel that there is a sense of belonging developing for me that I hadn't expected to find. Perhaps I am finally settling into my life as a military spouse and realizing that there really are things that my peers outside of the military just don't quite understand. I know that sounds dramatic, and that in all reality my spouse is in the Reserves and not deployed somewhere overseas. But there really are things that set us apart from the people around me both at school and in Berkeley in general.<br />
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The afternoon yesterday was spent dawdling over to Hwy 1 and driving up the coast through Half-Moon Bay and up into the City. It was a great way to get away for a little bit, though my papers were never too far from my mind. There is something refreshing about the ruggedness of the coast here that gives me perspective and space when I begin to get claustrophobic about my schoolwork and reminds me that God is the one in charge of everything - even those pesky papers and Greek verbs that I wrestle so mightily with.<br />
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Perhaps the reason I struggle so much with my papers is that in my writing of them I am allowing myself to be written as well. I know that my first paper for History of Christianity deeply affected how I have looked at the tools we gain through learning about historical theology and struggles and how that information can affect current ministry and theology. It isn't just that there are words on a page, those words are a part of my life and affect my current and future ministry deeply. They teach me about myself as much as they are my expression of my encounter with the subject being written about and the sources I am writing from.<br />
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It is off to class and then more paper wrestling for me...Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-84892685939350774542011-11-09T11:07:00.000-08:002011-11-09T11:08:35.478-08:00Reading Week Pictures<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
As I mentioned last post, I wanted to share some pictures from our visit to Oregon. We spent one day traveling along the North Fork of the Umpqua River:</div>
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I was utterly fascinated by the color of the water and how clear it is when you are standing on the banks looking into the riverbed itself.</div>
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Our first goal was to explore Tokettee Falls. We pulled in and parked near the huge redwood-stave pipe that carries water for some of the many hydro-electric generators along the river and began to hike the trail. I don't remember the actual numbers on the trail head sign but it was close to 124 stairs up and 150 stairs down to get to the viewing platform. Just thinking about the return trip had me a little nervous, but I enjoyed the trail along the river and the quarter to half a mile didn't seem so long. Especially when we stood on the viewing platform and watched this:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhikGrbY4mYqlbccQjhjPXC5OTruDX0xtxOM5ADU7ryuJIr3__byCa3ZoOXFpKwDfmOChGUoEiaZYsLiWoUcytcVtbtv-Q1pcqO4rhCcQH-hamAaBP78nG2F5rhiBVof84ML48kDL-0haxs/s1600/DSCN0264.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhikGrbY4mYqlbccQjhjPXC5OTruDX0xtxOM5ADU7ryuJIr3__byCa3ZoOXFpKwDfmOChGUoEiaZYsLiWoUcytcVtbtv-Q1pcqO4rhCcQH-hamAaBP78nG2F5rhiBVof84ML48kDL-0haxs/s320/DSCN0264.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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A beautiful 40-foot drop that thundered in our ears. I was quite impressed, but Roger said that he remembered a bigger falls and was determined to find it.</div>
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The next turn off revealed Watson Falls. 272 feet of falling water.</div>
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We climbed up along the river and rested on a wooden bridge before clambering over mossy rocks the rest of the way to the very base of the falls. Because the drop is so far the water is mostly mist by the time it reaches the bottom and the pressure is so light that a person could stand underneath and use the falls for a shower. The sound was more of a whisper than a thundering roar, and I found myself quite mesmerised watching the water slip over the edge and fall to the ground below.</div>
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We stopped at Diamond Lake next, shrouded in a cool mist as the cloud ceiling was quite low.</div>
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We walked a bit along the shore and decided that since we were around 20 miles from Crater Lake and I had never seen it we would chance the clouds and finish our tour there.</div>
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The drive was quite foggy and cold at that elevation - I am sure some of those little misty droplets were frozen. We pulled on our jackets anyway and walked over to the lodge and the viewpoints beyond. Just as I was lamenting that perhaps the clouds were going to make this a pointless extension to our trip we noticed that even as we were being pelted by wind-driven mist there was a place where the sun was trying to come through.</div>
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To our left, we saw this:</div>
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A rainbow in the mist as the clouds parted briefly. We were able to see the lake and the far shore, though the mist did continue to obscure Wizard Island. We stayed and watched the clearing as it widened enough to see most of the lake and the startling blue of the water before closing in again and encasing us in more freezing cold mist.</div>
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We retraced our steps to return to Roger's Parents feeling blessed and refreshed. I certainly appreciated our time in God's creation as a reminder that God did put all of this beauty in the world to show us God's generosity, glory, and love. So often I forget to appreciate the divinity displayed in beauty. This trip plunged me deeply into the "Book of Nature" and I returned to my classes refreshed and reminded of the totality of God.</div>Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-81898895513899974582011-11-03T09:21:00.000-07:002011-11-03T09:21:16.665-07:00Back in the SaddleReading Week proved to be a much needed break, as I was able not only to accomplish a whole lot in the first part of the week for school but also to spend the later part of the week getting completely away from the stress and work of school. <br />
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We traveled to Southern Coastal Oregon on Thursday to spend a couple of days visiting with my in-laws and exploring some of the places that Roger tells me stories about. As soon as I get the pictures edited I'll do a post to show you some of the places we visited. Driving home Sunday we stopped several times to immerse ourselves in the beautiful misty coastal day and be refreshed by God's creation. It really made me think of the Celtic tradition that holds nature as another Gospel. <br />
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Sunday night after we arrived home I dove right back in to the world of papers, readings, classes (this semester Mondays are long days), and preparing applications and their companion essays for Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE), Fellowships, The Chaplain Candidate Program, and the US Army. Not to mention preparing to register for the Spring semester and Intersession in January. <br />
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Busy? Seminary? Nah! <br />
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The weather is changing rapidly and we are expecting a cold storm to move through this weekend - my teapot is ready!Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-73803161944791795952011-10-24T19:23:00.000-07:002011-10-24T19:23:08.213-07:00Reading Week Sigh of ReliefToday marks the beginning of Reading Week. No, not Fall Break - this is not intended as a vacation. This is a week when classes and chapel do not meet, but we still have work to do and assignments to finish. It is, however, a big sigh of relief. My brain gets to rest and not work at quite so frantic a pace (until I look ahead to the rest of the semester). I spent today nestled into the apartment and indulging my inner monastic soul with a quiet rhythm of work and prayer as the world went by outside the window. <br />
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This past weekend I was refreshed with a picnic at Stinson Beach and a long walk through Muir Woods. What a joy to sink into the silence of that forest and be reminded to "be still and know that I am God". It made a great opening for this week, a day of sabbath after the frantic pace of the last two weeks of papers and meetings.<br />
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Sunday we went to the chapel at Moffett Field. There is a lovely history of the chapel at the bottom of <a href="http://www.moffettfieldmuseum.org/history.html#chapel">this page</a>, complete with pictures of most of the stained glass windows. Having met with the Lutheran Chaplain at Camp Parks (who is also responsible for worship at Moffett Field) I was interested to see what a more liturgical, by the book, protestant service might look like. I felt much more at home, and realized that the appearance of a place has a great deal of influence on me. This was a chapel in the old-fashioned looks-like-a-small-church sense. The chaplain was as delighted as I was when she showed me the fabulous way that this space was built to accommodate Protestant, Catholic, and Jewish services by having a turntable split into thirds where the altars and Tabernacle sit; each is turned to face the congregation for the appropriate time. The Tabernacle is plain, and looks a bit like a cupboard. The Catholic third has a lovely Tabernacle below a large crucifix and large statues of John and Mary on either side. The Protestant third has what I would describe as an altar that has a brass cross on it and some flowers that coordinate with other arrangements placed in the sanctuary. The service was simple but recognizable as a mixture of the various liturgical types of worship and was based on the Order of Protestant Worship in the Book of Worship for United States Forces 1974. <br />
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The first part of this week is being spent catching up on school work, papers, and assorted paperwork. On Thursday we head out for a brief but overdue visit to my in-laws in Oregon. I am truly looking forward to the trip as we will be driving through some beautiful scenery and have a couple of side trips planned. A true break from the work of seminary and a lovely breath of time to rest in God's grace apart from the "usual" places.Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3655195735239653894.post-74425682341082814182011-10-16T20:51:00.000-07:002011-10-16T20:52:14.376-07:00Sunday AdventuresToday we finally made good on our plans to join in worship at Camp Parks. I was a bit apprehensive since I knew it wouldn't look like anything I was intimately familiar with. It didn't dissapoint on that count. A nondenominational service is exactly what it says. It takes parts from a variety of denominational traditions and weaves them together into a whole. Some parts, like preaching on a selection from the Bible, are familiar. Other parts, like a long time of singing and extemporaneous prayer prior to the sermon, are not so familiar. For a cradle Episcopalian there seemed to be a lot of emotion involved, which certainly took some getting used to. We aren't nicknamed the "frozen chosen" for nothing when it comes to that! <br />
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Talking to the Chaplain afterward we discovered that this group that gathers for worship is truly diverse. They range from Catholic to LDS and everything in between. He showed me where his learning edges are, coming from a non-liturgical background, and how serving this community is about finding what is important for people and incorporating into the worship life. I really appreciated his honesty about how he is bringing pieces from a wide variety of worship expressions and learning to hold all of that without compromising his own tradition and faith background. It really makes me look at my seminary experiences a little bit differently, and the blessing of being a part of the Graduate Theological Union. <br />
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My first big paper was due on Friday, and I am so glad to have it finished! It really stretched me, and I told my professor that I think it wrote me instead of the other way around. As a reward I had signed up to go to a "yarn tasting" at a yarn store near Camp Parks. Apparently Bergere de France is one of the only companies that offers something like this, and I have to admit I really loved their yarns. There were just a handuful of us and we had a blast playing with samples of their beautiful yarn, thumbing through their pattern books, and nibbling on french-inspired snacks. It was a great little break for me before I stick my nose back into my books!Sulwynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955517410337921985noreply@blogger.com0