Wishcast Wednesday

What do you wish to let go?

I have a regular laundry list of things I wish to let go of, things that I have struggled with for so long it seems like I don't remember a time when I haven't been wrestling with them.

I wish to let go of this nagging feeling of never being "enough". Good enough, busy enough, enough like the "popular" or "successful" people all around me... the list of not being enough is long. The little feeling follows me around, even on good days, the way the lingering effects of a cold hang around. I'm working hard, being true to myself and who I was created to be, but I feel a bit of a shadow lurking.

I wish to let go of feeling like being myself is somehow "wrong". Just because my natural gifts, talents, and tastes are not exactly mainstream for the world in which I currently live I feel as if I can't talk about them or even admit to them. I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of being afraid of myself and my potential.

So much big stuff to let go of, so many baby steps to take on the path to letting them go for good!

Grey Monday

This morning I am looking out my window at a low grey sky and hoping that there might be some truth to the prediction of showers over the next day or so. We have been living in drought conditions for the last couple of years, and I love the occasional years when our winters give us the gift of being a true "rainy season".

It is a time for turning inward; setting the house in order (a never-ending job it seems!), looking to the harvest and preparing for winter, and turning inward as a person. Winter has always been a season of introspection for me. Time to examine relationships that I may or may not have nourished as I should through the past year. Time to look at my relationship with myself, the one I am most intimate with and will be even more so as the indoor seasons are upon us.

So I look to the grey sky, hoping for that whisper of rain to begin the cleansing, nourishing cycle that blesses us more generously every few years that usual with its abundance and wait.

Wishcast Wednesday

Today is Wishcast Wednesday over at Jamie Ridler Studios. Today's wishcasting prompt:

What do you wish to complete?

On a basic level I wish to complete the projects I have going around the house to make it more of a home. This is important to me on several levels, but I keep running into a lack of physical energy to get it done and a whole lot of energetic resistance to doing the emotional work to get over the lack of physical motivation.

I wish to complete this portion of uncomfortable waiting in my life while I do the work to close the doors to the recent past and prepare for the future that is waiting for me. I think I see where the next step is, but I am not ready for it yet. I am firming the foundation for what will be built next.

Monday Routine

There is a definite nip in the air this morning as I sit sipping my hot cocoa (usually tea, but I wanted to celebrate the first really autumnal morning with something special!) with a dog wrapped like a burrito in his blanket at my side. The Monday busy-ness has begun with laundry going; trash, recycle, and greens trucks roaring through the neighborhood; and above it all, birdsong. I am grateful for the reminder that this world goes on after a weekend, as my own home world is quieter with my husband at work.

I find the Monday routine comforting: wake up, take the trash and recycle out, sort and start laundry, try to find the kitchen again after my husband has been in it over the weekend, look ahead at what I need to try to work on this week. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever really get a handle on my house or if it will forever fight me and being neat and organized. It amazes me how, over two days, everything that it has taken me a week to put away is now spread from one end of the house to another, plus some additional stuff. No wonder I get down about it!

I am going to put on some pleasant music, start folding laundry, and dream of a house that doesn't take a week to semi-clean. Perhaps this time it will come true.

Wishcast Wednesday

Today's Wishcast Wednesday question is What do you wish to share?

I wish to share the deep peace that comes from knowing that you belong somewhere, and that that somewhere loves and supports you in every way. Everyone needs a place of their own where they go to heal from life's daily events and from the bigger stuff that happens. A place to experience the soul-deep comfort of being exactly who they were meant to be with no judgements, masks, rules, shouldn'ts, or put-downs. A spirit home. A healing sanctuary.

I may not have it yet, but I am getting there, and I want to share the joy of knowing that there is that kind of belonging out there somewhere for each of us. My calling at this moment is to seek out and create my place so that I can help others find theirs.

If you would like to know more about Wishcast Wednesday or to join in, visit Jamie Ridler Studios.

A Visit from Ms. CrankyPants

Somewhere between blissfully nourishing my plants this morning as the sun rose and checking the water level in the humidifier as the heat outside increased Ms. CrankyPants moved in. I didn't see her coming until she embraced me with her whining and sense of utter frustration. Nothing sounds interesting, I don't want to do that, or that, or that... or go out, it's too hot to do that, I don't want to eat that (never mind that eating anything at this point might make her go away). I am left with a vague sense of irritability and a general feeling that a childish temper tantrum is imminent along with dissatisfaction with life as a whole that makes me quite unpleasant company, even for myself. So I am going to take Ms. CrankyPants on a field trip. Drag her out of the house, put her in the (admittedly hot) car, and go somewhere. Perhaps I will treat her to a Caffeine Free Diet Soda and distract her while I try to lose her out there in the world. I certainly don't like her here in my house! Of course, that may be because with her here the walls feel as if they are closing in on me and I just have to escape even if I don't really want to go out into the heat and unpleasantness of the weather today (one of her excuses for being cranky is the heat...).

Wishcast Wednesday

Today is Wishcast Wednesday over at Jamie Ridler Studios... and the question is What Luxury do I Wish for?

I wish for the luxury of being confident in my gifts and the direction in which my inner guides are leading me. I long for the luxury of not being afraid of what others will think if I am truly myself. I seek the luxury of standing solidly in my soul and not hiding the truth of who I am.

Most of the time I am afraid to talk about the things that fascinate me, light me up, set me on fire because so often I am greeted with blank stares and swift changes of subjects. Occasionally I have let things slip in "wrong" company and been informed that I am under the influence of "evil" and to "repent" of my "wicked" ways. So for a long time I have tried to bury my gifts: energetic healing, creating sacred space, supporting others so that God/Spirit/Universe/Energy (whatever they choose to believe in) can make them as whole as they will allow themselves to be.

I wish to not hide anymore. I wish to not be afraid to be my most authentic self.