Wishcasting

Is it Wednesday already?! Yikes. Today's Wishcast Wednesday question from Jamie is:

What do you wish to experience?

I wish to experience freedom, peace, deep joy, and healing for my own wounds.

I don't think that sounds like too much to ask! There are dark wounds masquerading as healed over scars that I have been carrying around for too long in my life, and they hold me back from fulfilling my purpose. Fear, even as far as terror, surrounds me when I do experience moments of deep peace and joy. The backlash from trying to work through the pain manages to knock me flat every time, trapped within the darkness. I'm not afraid of scars, they are part of the experiences that make me who I am. I just have not found the right teacher to help me find the tools I need to go deep enough to heal those wounds and cleanse them of the infection that keeps them open and active in my life.

Monday, Monday

Welcome back to the every-day world. Halloween this weekend was great fun with a young person here to celebrate with and giving me an excuse to be out wandering the neighborhood (somebody has to walk all those blocks with her and watch to make sure nobody tries to kidnap her!). She collected a large stash of candy which I am sure I will still be shifting around the freezer come February!

Today it is the usual round of trash and recycle pick up, laundry, and general tidying the cottage from the fun of the weekend. Or it would be, if I weren't so busy trying to wrap my mind around writing a novel. Of course, I am still doing all of my Monday tasks, but my mind is not as focused on them as it has been.

Today I am thinking about voice, names, countries, story lines. Fleshing out a fantasy world that has existed only in my daydreams. This writing it down is more difficult than threading a story through my head for my own consumption. It feels more vulnerable, somehow. More dangerous.

I am starting a whole new adventure.

Halloween is Coming

Halloween tomorrow. Strange energy swirling through the air. Pumpkin lanterns ready to be lit to light the path for our loved ones, carved with scary faces to frighten away the evil spirits. Candy in bowls ready to be passed out to children seeking treats door to door wearing costumes cute or scary. The veil between the worlds lifting and tearing. The return of standard time and the sun setting earlier, cozy nights spent curled up by the fire.

I love this time of year, and yet I fear it because of the biological changes that happen in my life and in the lives of some of my friends. For some of us it is chronic depression aggravated by the changing season. For others it is a case of Seasonal Affective Disorder. I know to expect it, but somehow it always manages to ambush me in its annual manifestation in my life. Just when I think that I have managed to support myself through the drastic shifting so that I don't fall completely to pieces I find myself in a puddle of tears on the floor, wondering what hit me and why I can't seem to function properly, if at all. I hold myself gently, allow my soul mate to lift me up, and then look at the good things and move on.

With some of my friends it is much more drastic, with much longer lasting anguish for them and for those who love them. I wish I could go to them and hold them close and offer them all of the healing that I could possibly be able to offer them - teas, energy, and love. Instead, I watch from outside, knowing that until they admit that something is wrong all I can do is hold them in a space of love and tenderness, lifting up a light of love and prayer in the darkness, and hoping that they will grasp the hands of their friends who are waiting to help them through this darkness.

It seems that autumn has become more difficult for people in the last few years, though this year it is more dramatic than I have ever seen it. The friends around me severely affected by the season are showing signs of the effect going deeper, lasting longer, feeling even more hopeless than before. Others have remarked on strange, even hostile, energies in the air this year. Whatever your preferred method of spiritual and energetic protection, I urge you to engage in it even more mindfully than you have been. Whatever light you work with, call even more of it into the world to help counteract this trend.

Be safe!

A New Challenge

Last night I took the plunge. I've seen it on blogs before and just ignored it, telling myself that I couldn't do it. So this year I'm going to try. What have I committed myself to? I signed up to participate in NaNoWriMo 2009. You can find out all about it here. Basically the premise is to write a 50,000 word novel from scratch during the month of November, which is National Novel Writing Month. Hence the name NaNoWriMo.

I'm sure I could do it if that was my sole focus, but to make things more complicated I will be spending much of November at my parents house assisting in creating wonderful baked goods for them to sell at the Marketplace at the Best Friends Holiday Home Tour in Point Loma. I'm sure that will have some influence on the development of the story, too!

So, I am looking at this as an experiment. I am determined to make it to the 50,000 word mark to be a winner in this thing, but even if I don't I will have tried something new. Perhaps this is nothing more than an invitation to a massive case of writer's block. Perhaps I will create something wonderful. Either way, I am excited to participate and see what happens.

One thing I am sure of is that I will not be doing much editing. As they say on their website, December is for editing. November is for getting the words on paper. I'll share a few excerpts here as I go and perhaps use my other blog, Wild Oak Chronicles, to share more.

Wishcasting Wednesday

Today's Wishcasting Question is:

What Treat do you Wish for?

I wish today for the treat of being gentle with myself. In my struggles with depressive episodes and other icky stuff I often forget to be gentle with myself and am often up against a cycle of negativity toward myself while lifting others up and out of the muck around us. I know it would be much easier to help and heal others if I weren't spending so much time beating myself up for not helping others as much as I would like to and know that I have the ability to. So my wish is for the treat of knowing and valuing healing myself as much as I value healing others.

To join other Wishcasters, visit Jamie Ridler at her studio...

Changing Seasons

The wind is picking up, the sky is shades of grey, and the temperature has dropped dramatically since yesterday's clear blue skies.

We are supposed be getting the edge of an Alaskan cold front for the next few days and it is helping me get in the mood for Halloween. Samhain, if you prefer. All Hallows Eve. Followed by All Hallows (All Saints) and All Souls days. Dias de los Muertos.

In other words, the veil between the worlds is thinning at this time and we are preparing for visits from friends and loved ones who have passed on. It isn't that they can't visit or send messages to us at any time, but this time of year is especially potent for celebrating and communicating with them. In many cultures the dead are welcomed with feasts of their favorite foods, special lanterns set out to guide their way and make their path easier, and elaborate displays of photographs and mementos. Think of it as a giant family reunion if thinking about dead people scares you.

I look forward to the shifting energies of this season. The welcoming of those from the other side for a time of reunion, checking in and sharing messages. The turning inward to celebrate and give thanks for all of our blessings, whether we are happy about them or not. The further turning inward to experience the fallow season as we rest and prepare for the return of spring and the blossoming of seeds that have been planted and rested in this quiet time.

Gift Giving at the Cottage

Over at Simple, Green, Frugal Co-op today there is a post gathering Simple, Green and Frugal Christmas Gift Ideas. Since I've already started on our gifts for this year I thought I'd add my two cents to the gathering.



Over the last few years I have been leaning more and more towards gifts that will be useful and not end up gathering dust somewhere. We are presumably giving gifts to people we care about, so why should we give them something that they will never use and perhaps may not even want?

For most of our friends and associates we will be giving "goodie bags" consisting of homemade goodies that are consumable, whether it be cookies, candies, nuts, or other treats with homemade jam or marmalade and perhaps some hand-blended tea added as well.

For the really close people in our lives like parents, godparents, and (bonus) daughter I am making some kind of useful item such as a collection of scarves or an afghan. Something tangible but most definitely usable. These will complement our "goodie bags" for these people.

Several years ago I began a tradition of writing a personal "gift" to each of my loved ones each year, expressing a special prayer for the coming year. Very often when I sit down with a collection of special cards to do this I am not at all sure what I will be saying. I put on some quiet Christmas music, light a candle, wrap a blanket over my legs and meditate on each person before I begin writing. Letting my love for this person flow onto the paper creates a gift that has become a cherished tradition for those I share it with, even the younger ones who I was afraid wouldn't care!

What do you do for your holiday giving?