Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Wishcasting Wednesday - Well Being

I have an unusually busy couple of days ahead so I wasn't planning on joining in over at Wishcasting Wednesday since I won't have the chance to get to look at everyone else's wishes today or tomorrow, but the question stopped me in my tracks and I knew I needed to express this one to the universe.

What do you wish for your well-being?

I have so many wishes that all tie into this one question, so many parts of the whole that feel out of place and out of touch. I have, in the last year, let so much of my wholeness go. Of course, that wholeness that I remember and seek was actually destroyed 15 years ago, with various permutations on the theme in the passing years.

I wish to embrace my wholeness - my self, my healing, my gifts, my power, my purpose in this world, and my health.

I have been feeling that it is time for me to tell my story - 15 years is a long time to have a piece of your identity be made up by something you are afraid to admit because of how others might see you if they knew. No more. I am preparing a series of posts to share this story, this part of myself, to own the reality of it's effect in my life.

So I wish to embrace my wholeness, knowing that it will bring me to a place of well-being in body, mind, and spirit.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Wishcasting Wednesday - Fun

Today's Wishcasting Wednesday prompt from Jamie really hit me this morning:

What fun do you wish to have?

I went to sleep last night in the midst of a deep soul struggle, digging to uncover the root of my recent slide into yet another depression, realizing that this particular month holds a lot of historical wounding for me, yesterday the 1 year anniversary of the most recent, and I wake up to a question like this???? Who am I kidding, I just want to be a little less depressed than I was last night - I can't think about fun right now!

Then I realized that this is precisely when I should be thinking about fun. When it seems most absent from my life I need to cultivate it consciously and dive deeply into every hint of fun and joy that manages to swim through the miasma of depression that currently engulfs me. June reached out and swallowed me into a gulf of frustrated struggle with my history, some of it more on a conscious level, some of it not. The worst of it began 15 years ago and I am contemplating sharing that story here for others to learn from and to know that they can survive and thrive, too. But that is not really about fun. It is when I believe I lost my ability to trust that there was something in my life called fun. I am only recently rediscovering it.

My wish today, on this overcast and cloudy June morning, is to learn again the joy of having fun, to become friends with it and be able to embrace it back into my life as a constant companion instead of a rare visitor. To see and enjoy fun in my daily life instead of looking back and wondering "was I having fun?" at the end of the day.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Wishcasting Wednesday - Nourishing

Today Jamie's Wishcasting Wednesday question is

What do you wish to nourish?

I wish to nourish my soul. I continue to seek out ways to live as my most authentic self in everything I do, but I find that the excavation process to find that self can be painful and slow. I wish to continue this work, even during the painful and slow times, because that nourishes and strengthens my soul. I am here in this time and place as a unique creation and I have a purpose to pursue and fulfill. I have been placed here to do and be something that no other person can do and be in each moment of my life. I may have spent a good deal of time covering that up and trying to do what others believe I should do and be, but that just slowly starves my soul.

I am not pretending that I will get rich or be famous or any other thing by pursuing my personal purpose in life. Most likely I will continue to run into obstacles that I must work with and around. It certainly won't be glamorous. But I will be most gloriously alive in every way that counts to me if I follow my soul's leading. So I seek to nourish my soul. That sweet, fiercely gentle flame at the heart of me that burns with the fire of living and living well.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Tea, Anyone?

There is no doubt in my mind that I am a tea girl. I love the ritual of brewing it, watching the leaves and herbs infuse and bloom in the water, sipping (or drinking, depending on my mood and the tea) from a lovely cup, the taste, the aroma. I love the culture surrounding tea.

I will never qualify for a total tea nut as I am not always careful to get my water to the exact best temperature for each tea and sometimes I can be a bit lax about steeping times. Any pot or cup I enjoy is good enough for me. I'm not picky, though I have a few I cups and teapots I actively avoid using. I am enough of a tea snob to know that while I will drink Lipton in a pinch (if I'm caught in a restaurant without the stash I carry in my purse or am a guest in someones home) it will never be my favorite and I will not buy it for myself. I sip the tea in Chinese restaurants with appreciation (usually - some serve pretty atrocious over brewed green teas) and am always thrilled when I end up somewhere that serves a simple oolong or well-brewed jasmine tea. I consider myself tea-adventurous and often take my herbal training in one had and my love of tea in the other to whip up a small batch of something for myself.

Last evening I hosted a tea tasting at my parents house for a friend who will be selling a selection of teas that I have blended at her booth at a local lavender festival. I will be making three blends for her: a black tea, a rooibos blend, and an herbal tisane. I had a wonderful time sharing these teas that I have dreamed up and learned a great deal in the meantime.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Wishcasting Wednesday - Leaping

Today is Wishcasting Wednesday with Jamie Ridler and her question is:

What leap do you wish to take?

I wish to take that flying leap that will allow me to soar into a place where I belong, where I am whole enough to be content being myself, and where I can help support our family using the gifts and talents that bring joy to myself and others.

Yes, I have been absent from my blog for a while. At least two Wishcasting Wednesdays have slipped past me without even a single post or message to others. I have been busy with my mom, cleaning and moving things around in my cottage to bring in more space and light. When we cleaned last summer we closed off a lot of space - I needed the energy of being closed in as I healed through the traumatic endings that I had just gone through - but now I am healing in a deeper way and able to trust enough that being open does not equal being trampled to pieces and so we are making a place for me in the office and opening up space throughout the house for air and energy to circulate and thrive, bringing new opportunities and fresh perspectives.

With all of this in mind my wish is simply to believe that I have a place where it is not "unusual" to be a little different from the norm, and where faith and healing and crafting with yarn and a hook and tea all come together in some way that does not automatically get me that "and just how useful is that" look. I have gotten that a lot throughout my life - I never was the best at fitting in with the in crowd - and I know that I am who I am for a reason other than confusing the people and culture around me!

And so, my fellow wishcasters, I am leaping into the wild unknown and trusting that there is a place for me among the stars and that I will grow the wings I need to get me there.