Today's Wishcasting Wednesday prompt from Jamie really hit me this morning:
What fun do you wish to have?
I went to sleep last night in the midst of a deep soul struggle, digging to uncover the root of my recent slide into yet another depression, realizing that this particular month holds a lot of historical wounding for me, yesterday the 1 year anniversary of the most recent, and I wake up to a question like this???? Who am I kidding, I just want to be a little less depressed than I was last night - I can't think about fun right now!
Then I realized that this is precisely when I should be thinking about fun. When it seems most absent from my life I need to cultivate it consciously and dive deeply into every hint of fun and joy that manages to swim through the miasma of depression that currently engulfs me. June reached out and swallowed me into a gulf of frustrated struggle with my history, some of it more on a conscious level, some of it not. The worst of it began 15 years ago and I am contemplating sharing that story here for others to learn from and to know that they can survive and thrive, too. But that is not really about fun. It is when I believe I lost my ability to trust that there was something in my life called fun. I am only recently rediscovering it.
My wish today, on this overcast and cloudy June morning, is to learn again the joy of having fun, to become friends with it and be able to embrace it back into my life as a constant companion instead of a rare visitor. To see and enjoy fun in my daily life instead of looking back and wondering "was I having fun?" at the end of the day.