Friday, July 17, 2009

Taking out the Trash

I wilt in the heat, watching the thermometer climb toward it's peak. I find that lethargy marks my days now; I wake up in a rush to get things done before the heat of the day begins to sap my energy and my mind slows to match the humid haze growing to the east over the mountains.

I have my goals for cleaning but struggle to cram them in as early as possible now. Today it is to carry the same momentum that has helped me to recover the kitchen island counter top from clutter to at least one other area - I hope either the dining room table or the raised bar on two sides of the island. This recovery of my home from the invasion of clutter, crud, and corruption that has taken over has given my days purpose recently and I am thankful. I never thought I'd be thankful for the very same clutter that has been driving me out of my mind for these past many months, but having a purpose and daily "job" has been a gift as I am adrift and trying to find my compass.

As I clear out the clutter and junk the trash I am forced to focus my mind on what is truly important. I don't want to waste precious storage space on something that is not useful, helpful, or does not mean something so deep that it would be painful to not have it in our lives. So it is with my heart and mind. I am sorting through old perceptions and roles I have played, finding which ones are truly a part of me at my core and what I have created in order to fit in somewhere that I don't really belong. It is a comfort to take out an old idea or belief and be able to say that it does not belong to me at all and is safe to discard or to realize that it is a firm part of the foundation of my being and to tuck it safely away in my heart where it will continue to give me strength. With each bag of trash I dump in our trashcan and with each box I fill up of things to donate to various causes I am lightening my soul's load as well, stripping myself down to what matters most and moving forward from there.

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