Today, Jamie asks us
What story do you wish to live or let go of?
I wish to live the story that my soul has been quietly singing to me since birth, the story of myself as spiritual being and healer. So far (at least since I can remember making this kind of choice) I have resisted this story, fearing the change that it would bring into my life. Fearing being "different" or labeled as "strange". I had enough of that in my childhood without embracing the truth that I am a unique creature, though by no means was I "normal" to the crowd that I met in school! So now I am 9 years and my third flare-up into a diagnosis of a life-changing condition, and I am finally realizing that it is just going to keep happening until I embrace the change and lessons this condition has to bring me. I'm a little slow at grasping the obvious when motivated by deep fears of change and being "different"!
On the other side of that same coin, I wish to let go of the story that tells me that it is wrong to be "different", that I must strive to be the same as those I have been surrounded by all my life. That story no longer fits, has never truly fit, and I need to let go of it. I have struggled with the dichotomies of my self for too long, never really finding a place where I belonged. I joined a Christian Healing Order thinking that I would find people who accepted alternative healing methods as part of the system of healing prayer and discovered that I was a "witch" and a "heretic" for utilizing or studying such systems as Reiki and Healing Touch. I found a local Herbal Studies program and hoped that I would fit there, but it became obvious when I was not interested in mind-altering herbs that I was too "straight" and "stuffy" for them. I have wandered long, one foot in one world, the other foot in another. It is time to embrace my experiences for what they are: my personal story, the lessons I had to learn to be the person I am today. I now see myself as a bridge - I was raised as a strict vegetarian at a time when my peers and their parents had no experience with vegetarians; my paternal grandmother whom I admired was a strong, wild woman (and I take after her in many ways) who lived alone in the middle of nowhere; I was raised in an Anglo-Catholic Episcopal church that still clings to the old ways, but have spiritual experiences and knowledge that are not acknowledged by such a background; my feet have always been in two worlds, I think.
In reality, my wish today is to embrace my story for what it is: to live the truth of my soul while letting go of the parts of the past that I held onto but were not my truth or my story.
What stories do you have to tell?