It is Wishcasting Wednesday again and this week the question is:
What do you wish to be gentle with?
I wish to be gentle with myself. A couple of days after my lumbar puncture I was able to go to the class and receive the attunement for level 2 in Reiki. I can honestly credit the preparation that went into the pre-treatment that I was even able to go at all. In the past a lumbar puncture would mean 9-14 days flat on my back with an agonizing headache. This time I was able to sit up to eat late the next day, even though I was mostly flat the rest of the time.
But back to Reiki. Since it was a class of two students I was easily able to accommodate my need for lying down and still get the information. (I was able to sit up for the attunement, however!) I find that this latest opening and infusion of energy has made a difference in how I am willing to see myself. This particular shift is of seismic proportions in my life. There is an ongoing struggle with a very negative self image which Reiki is helping me to re-frame.
Most of my life I have had a rather unpleasant view of how I measured up in the eyes of others, which translated to how I saw myself. There has already been a great deal of healing in this area but there has been a great deal of difficulty not falling into the black pit of negativity in the last year or so. With all of this medical stuff going on I have tended to see myself as a burden on others and quite frankly, rather useless. Not the best way to look at oneself, and certainly not a constructive visualization image! With Reiki 2 I have started to shift that to a view that is more acceptable and supporting of where I am at this time in my life. That doesn't make me any more patient with the waiting for a return to full health, but it makes my image of myself friendlier.
So I wish to be gentle with myself - not only through the medical and physical healing, but through the deeper spiritual and emotional healing that will give me the foundations I need to stand on my own and be true to myself.